Cornish pasty shop robbery: robber gets away with medium steak

Police are appealing for witnesses after a man wearing a David Cameron mask robbed a pasty shop in Truro, Cornwall, getting away with a medium steak worth £2.85. The incident happened at around 17:00 this afternoon.

Trew Carpenter, 19, who’s worked at The Oggy Lowen Pasty Shop for about three months said: “I was on my own at the time. My manager, Eliza, was in the back of the shop sampling a bacon bite.

“Anyway, this man, wearing a David Cameron mask, strolled into the shop and walked straight into the counter. He couldn’t see where he was going, you know, because of the mask. 

“He then pulled out what he said was a gun, hidden inside a SpongeBob pencil case, although I’m sure it was curved, you know, like a banana. I was terrified.

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Dalek robs pound shop in Hull

Staff at a pound shop in Hull were surprised to see a life-sized Dalek glide into the store on Saturday afternoon. Till operator, Samuel Davies, who has not been to work since, had this to say:

“I called out for the next customer to come to the till – and this Dalek glided up. Its eyestalk turned towards me, and its dome lights flashed menacingly. It demanded all the money, or said I’d be exterminated. What was I supposed to do?

“I took the money from the till, placed it in one of the carrier bags, and stuck the carrier onto the Dalek’s sink plunger-thing. I thought I was going to die.”

Store manager, Baz Fleming caught up with the Dalek outside the store, where it transpired the menace from Skaro was not working alone.

“I saw the Dalek stop in front of these two boys,” said Mr Fleming. “For some reason they were both blacked-up, which threw me a bit. Then I noticed that one of them had a remote control in his hands. I charged forwards, careful to avoid the Dalek’s death-ray, seized the remote control – and the bag on money of course – then informed the pair that they’d have to come back into the store for questioning.”

One of the boy’s, who cannot be named for legal reason, had this to say: “It was a joke. We didn’t actually think the guy on the till was actually going to hand the money over. I don’t think the money was an issue anyway, because when the policeman came into the room, he was more bothered about us dressed as Ogrons.”

“I responded to a call saying that a Dalek had robbed the pound shop in town,” said PCSO Kato West. “And if that wasn’t weird enough, when I walked into the manager’s office, there were these two boys who’d blacked themselves up. They were both 11 years of age, so it’s the parents I blame.

“I let them off with a warning, telling them that going around looking like that was very offensive, and that they should not do it again. As for the Dalek: if I had my way I’d have him locked up… I say ‘him’, I think all Daleks are male, but I’m no expert where that sort of thing’s concerned.”