Donald Trump’s DNA: same as an all-American burger

That’s according to leading geneticist Linda Ewing from Dallas University in Austin, Texas.

She said: Mr Trump contacted me about a month ago and asked for the best DNA test money could buy. Well I carried out the test and, you got it, his DNA is the same as an all-American burger.

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Hungary crackdown on migrants caught dropping litter

Hungarian Prime Minister Viktor Orbán has announced plans to crack down on migrants caught dropping litter by issuing them with on-the-spot fines. He said:

“We don’t want them here. But Croatia is breaking international law by off-loading these people at our border. So, as a deterrent, we will issue any migrant caught dropping litter with an on-the-spot fine of up to 500 HUF. All major credit cards accepted.

“Refusal to pay a fine will result in a jail sentence. We need to make it clear to these people that Hungary is not a rubbish dump. The McDonald’s at Beremend border crossing has been inundated with migrants, but they do not use the bins provided.

“They finish their happy meals then discard their rubbish on the floor, inside and outside of the establishment, like animals. This is unacceptable. The manager at the branch has had to take on extra staff just to clean up the mess.”

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Don’t be put off by my oily complexion, says Miliband

In a live radio interview Ed Miliband urged voters not to be “put off” by his oily complexion.

He said: “What I have to say is this. None of us are perfect. This is what I tell myself every morning when I look at myself in the mirrors of my two bathrooms.

“What I also have to say is this. I urge voters not to be put off by my oily complexion. It’s better to have a Prime Minister with an oily complexion, who can turn back the tide of austerity, than it is to have a Prime Minister like David Cameron with his endless cuts.

“A vote for Labour is a vote for equality, for people of every skin colour and complexion.”

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David Cameron creams Ed Miliband during PM’s Questions

David Cameron has attacked Ed Miliband with a ‘gargantuan’ cream bun during this afternoon’s Prime Minister’s Questions. The attack came about after the Prime Minister saw the Labour leader scoffing his face with the confectionery.

David Cameron said: “There’s only so much you can take, there really is. I’m absolutely fed up with Ed Miliband’s schoolboy attitude in the House of Commons. I was in the middle of answering a question about cast-iron guarantees when I noticed him slouched in his chair with his knees crossed, like he always does, eating a gargantuan cream bun.

“So I went over to him and pushed the bun into his ugly mug. Not that it helped the situation, because instead of sitting up and paying attention, he spent the remaining 10 minutes, licking his face with his unusually long lizard-like tongue.”

Conservative MP, Natasha Hare said: “It was hideous. Ed Miliband looked like the Toad from those X-Men films. You can’t blame the Prime Minister for doing what he did.”

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