We’ve all seen the various polls for the best pasties and pasty shops in Cornwall. But who serves up the worst pasty? Brenda Frisbee investigations.
3. The Marzipan Pasty
Discovered in one of Newquay’s many gift shops, aptly named, The Gift Shop, the Marzipan Pasty turned out to be just that – a solid block of fuc*king marzipan. Right on!
2. Merlins Magic Pasty
Bought from a catering van called Tezs, in Tintagel, there was nothing magical about Merlins Magic Pasty… or Tez’s enthusiasm for apostrophes. The pasty was hard as a rock on the outside, and soft on the inside. And it oddly enough, it even looked like an armadillo. Pass the sick bag!
A heartbroken Cornishman from Pool has dumped his fiancée, just three weeks before their marriage, after finding out that she has been lying to him about her pasty making skills.
Ruan Trewedna, 34, has been coming home from work every Saturday evening to be greeted by the smell of freshly baked pasties ever since the couple moved in together last March.
But last Saturday Mr Trewedna came home from work early to find his mother-in-law to be in their kitchen making the pasties, and his fiancée lying on the sofa watching classic JK.
Reckon you’ve got what it takes to be a Britain’s Got Talent star?
Pauline Buckett, 44, from Troon in Cornwall thinks she has.
Pauline has been crimping pasties for over 25 years at Philips Bakery and has decided to show off her skills in front of the BGT production team who’re busy roaming the country in search of new talent before the new series hits our screens next year.
Reporters spoke to Pauline, and her family, at her home on Newton Road.
A criminal organisation known as the Camborne Mafia were detained by police yesterday evening at around 7pm outside Argos in Camborne after reports that the gang were selling knock-off pasties.
Taxi driver, Jack Dash, 54, said: “I saw the boys loitering outside Argos, selling, what they claimed to be Rowes pasties. One of the other driver’s bought a pasty from them, but said it was definitely not a Rowes. It must have been a knock-off pasty. So we called the Old Bill.”
Sergeant Dave Pedrevan, 39, said: “when myself and PC Carpenter arrived on the scene there were 5 lads aged between 6 and 18. One of them had a Tesco carrier. Probably an old one, before they started charging for them.
“Inside the carrier there was this smell, like sweaty old socks and a dozen pasties in white paper bags. Far too many for personal use. The youngest lad tried telling us that they were Rowes pasties. A likely story.”
PC Dick Carpenter, 24, said: “criminals making money from knock-off pasties usually make a mistake somewhere along the line. In this case it was the initials on the pasties, matching the initials of the boys standing in front of us.
A recent report suggests that 99% of property in the idyllic fishing resort of St Ives in Cornwall is either holiday lets or second homes. This news comes a month after St Ives Council proposed a ban on outsiders buying second homes in the area.
Molly Stevens, a 27 year old who lives with her mum in the town said: “I’ll never be able to afford my own home here. I’d have to win the lottery to buy a parking space, but I can’t exactly live in my car.”
Businessman, Pete Staffford said: “I don’t know what all the fuss is about. English resorts like this rely on people like me. I’ve worked hard to set up my business down here, but these locals carry on biting the hand that feeds. It’s because of us Londoners coming down that these 48,000 new homes are being built. It’s supply and demand, ain’t it?”
Second home owner, Baz Masi has a similar story: I’ve worked hard to get where I am today, just like my parents before me. My dad ran a protection racket in Walford, and my ma, she was a sex worker from Russia. I saw her work hard for her money.”
For Mr Nicolls, sitting glumly behind the counter of his Cornish pasty shop, the prospect of making a sale today looks unlikely:
“As you can see, it’s early December, and it’s like a bleddy ghost town me ‘ansum. All I get this time of year are visitors coming in asking for pasties covered in chocolate, or with fish in. Fish pasties! They’re like bleddy seagulls! Guss-on with ya.”
When asked about his own living arrangements, Mr Nicolls said: “Well, I’m fortunate enough to have a parking space on the other side of town.”