We’ve all seen the various polls for the best pasties and pasty shops in Cornwall. But who serves up the worst pasty? Brenda Frisbee investigations.
3. The Marzipan Pasty
Discovered in one of Newquay’s many gift shops, aptly named, The Gift Shop, the Marzipan Pasty turned out to be just that – a solid block of fuc*king marzipan. Right on!
2. Merlins Magic Pasty
Bought from a catering van called Tezs, in Tintagel, there was nothing magical about Merlins Magic Pasty… or Tez’s enthusiasm for apostrophes. The pasty was hard as a rock on the outside, and soft on the inside. And it oddly enough, it even looked like an armadillo. Pass the sick bag!
Carved directly into the rock itself, the face of Merlin is an imposing site on the Tintagel landscape. And despite criticism, it’s the first of many new sculptures and installations commissioned by English Heritage.
The next sculpture, commissioned to local artist, Mariah England, 42, will be a 12 foot standing stone, shaped like a giant cock, with the face of King Arthur – if the legendary king looked like Noel Edmonds – carved into the bellend.
Speaking to reporters at the Merlin’s face opening event, the sculptress said:
A professor from Finchley University, in Barnham-on-Wick, has warned Cornwall Council against further house building, advising the council that the extra weight from inward migration could tear Cornwall away from England, leaving the region to drift off into the Atlantic.
Professor Morton, Head of Environmental Physics at Finchley University said: “The Tamar is essentially a tear between two land masses, held together by the top end. But any extra weight could widen the gap and see Cornwall drift off into the Atlantic.
Residents of Pool in Cornwall are outraged after the Church Road ‘Welcome to Pool’ signpost was vandalized, with ‘AND’ graffitied after the word, ‘Pool’. There is some speculation as to how this is meant to read.
UKIP councillor and self-proclaimed exaggerator, Damien Bigot, said: “Let me make this clear, there’s no excuse for criminal damage, but the message is loud and clear. With 10% of the population of Pool being Polish – the other half being English, of course, the perpetrators or perpetrator may well have a point.”
Police are appealing for witnesses after a man wearing a David Cameron mask robbed a pasty shop in Truro, Cornwall, getting away with a medium steak worth £2.85. The incident happened at around 17:00 this afternoon.
Trew Carpenter, 19, who’s worked at The Oggy Lowen Pasty Shop for about three months said: “I was on my own at the time. My manager, Eliza, was in the back of the shop sampling a bacon bite.
“Anyway, this man, wearing a David Cameron mask, strolled into the shop and walked straight into the counter. He couldn’t see where he was going, you know, because of the mask.
“He then pulled out what he said was a gun, hidden inside a SpongeBob pencil case, although I’m sure it was curved, you know, like a banana. I was terrified.
A heartbroken Cornishman from Pool has dumped his fiancée, just three weeks before their marriage, after finding out that she has been lying to him about her pasty making skills.
Ruan Trewedna, 34, has been coming home from work every Saturday evening to be greeted by the smell of freshly baked pasties ever since the couple moved in together last March.
But last Saturday Mr Trewedna came home from work early to find his mother-in-law to be in their kitchen making the pasties, and his fiancée lying on the sofa watching classic JK.
Cornwall councillors have today voted in favour of placing rubber rings around all concrete posts owned by the Council.
The decision will not affect the black posts bearing the Duchy shield logo.
A spokesman for the Council, Denzil Landrevan, said: “This move will hopefully achieve two things. Firstly, it should prevent thousands of pounds worth of damage to vehicles each year.