Camelphobia reaches all-time high in parts of the UK

That’s according to Donald Duke, Lib Dem MP for Portsmith South. And it’s the media’s fault!

He said: “Camelphobia is reaching an all-time high in parts of the UK. And it’s all down to the British media pouring fuel on the stove. In the past three months I’ve heard reports of camels eating babies, taking taxi drivers’ jobs – there was even a report of a homosexual camel buggering a horse in Devon. And guess what, none of these stories were proven to be true.

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I’m not on drugs, says Natalie Bennett

Listeners of BBC Radio Finchwick, yesterday afternoon, were shocked when the show’s guest, Natalie Bennett, announced that she is not on drugs.

The news came after a twenty minute tripe fest from the Green Party leader, confirming that issues such as immigration, housing, infrastructure and defence were unimportant, leading to the presenter of the show, Boris Yardstick, asking Bennett if she’s on drugs.

“No, I’m not on drugs,” said Bennett.

Reporters spoke to Mr Yardstick after the show. He said: “It was a serious question. I’m sure I’m not the only one who thought she was on drugs.”


29 million people tune into last night’s Question Time

It has been confirmed that last night’s episode of Question Time received a staggering 29 million viewers. It is unclear how many of these were Romanians and Bulgarians. The reason for the show’s success was the appearance of Russell Brand and Nigel Farage, on the guest panel. And as one might expect, things got a little heated.

At one point, Russell Brand called the UKIP leader a ‘pound shop Enoch Powell’ during a debate on immigration. And surprise surprise, Russell Brand threw in the word, ‘ostentatious’, whilst saying something about being bandaged up.

Mr Farage has since responded by saying: “We all know that Mr Brand was going to mention the word, we just didn’t know when, or in what context. I’m not even sure what he was on about – but quite frankly, nothing the man says, or does, surprises me anyway.”

Another heated moment came when a man with a walking stick verbally attacked Russell Brand, saying: “Stand for parliament. If you’re gonna campaign, then stand, ok?”

A member of the audience, sat near to Mr Walking Stick had this to say: “He was so angry that, when he pointed and opened his mouth to speak, he farted at the same time. Everyone in the audience heard it.”

The show was undoubtedly stolen though, by a blue haired woman who criticised Mr Farage, saying: “That’s what he does, he’s a racist scumbag trying to blame immigrants for the cutbacks…”

Russell Brand had this to say about Blue Hair: “She was so angry. I thought she was going to spew venom at Mr Pound Shop. What a star.”