Another mosque bacon attack: police hunt for Ed Miliband

Police in Finchwick were called to a mosque yesterday afternoon after a man matching the description of Ed Miliband left a half-eaten bacon butty outside the place of worship, preventing worshippers from entering the building.

DCI Nicky Clover said: “Whether this was a deliberate attack or not has yet to be established. The bin, also outside the mosque, was full so it’s possible that the perpetrator didn’t like the butty and placed the offending item as close to the bin as possible, which happened to be the entrance to the mosque.

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Ed Miliband goes missing

Former Labour leader Ed Miliband has gone missing after a routine trip to Marks & Spencers with wife Justine. The Incident happened on Saturday afternoon at around 2pm at their local store in North London.

Mrs Miliband told reporters: “It was just another day in M&S really. Before entering the store some kids were shouting things like, ‘Oi Wallace, where’s Gromit?’ but it was nothing really.

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David Cameron spent most of the time staring at my cleavage, says Harriet Harman

Harriet Harman, this week, stepped back from front bench politics after 28 years of service. Just three days before her party choses a successor to Ed Miliband.

But she didn’t go down without a fight. Harman decided to make her last appearance at the dispatch box a memorable one, interrogating David Cameron at Wednesday’s PMQs over the number of Syrian refugees that will be allowed into the UK this year.

Discussing Wednesday’s PMQs on BBC Radio Live this morning, Harman said:

“He spoke about meetings, the excellent work done by Save the Children, and even paid tribute to my 28 years in service as a front bencher. But this crisis is happening as we speak.

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Miliband reveals 6 point plan to Northernise Cornwall’s food banks

Ed Miliband has set out, what he has described as, a 6 point plan (a food menu) to introduce to Cornwall’s food banks.

He said: What I have to say is this. I have set out a 6 point plan to add additional food to the food banks of Cornwall. For example: I hear that many people in the county are having to eat their meals without gravy. This is not acceptable in the 21st Century.

“Under a Labour government, food parcels in Cornwall will include gravy, a variety of pies and puddings, and if there’s enough gravy left, Eccles cakes for pudding.”

menu

But is this an attempt to Northernise Cornwall’s poorest areas?

Kazia Mitchell, 29, thinks so: “Camborne has been inundated with Labour propaganda from that scary man with the second-home. And with it, there’s an unmistakable lack of optimism in the air, and an irrational need to see the World in a cynical way.

“It’s as if I’ve woken up in Northern England. And now Ed Miliband’s trying to feed tripe to the people using food banks – literally!”

Dick Cole, leader of Mebyon Kernow has described the Labour leader’s 6 point plan as both, ‘patronising’ and ‘insulting’.

He said: “To bribe some of the poorest people in our communities in this way is both patronising, and insulting. This is why we need locally elected politicians to represent Cornwall, to give Cornwall a real voice.

“The pasty is the food of our nation, so if any regional food is going to be introduced into our food banks, it should be that.

“Mebyon Kernow is the only party committed to fighting the Tories pasty tax and Labour’s undermining of our national food with promises of black pudding and Shropshire Fidget pie.

“Unlike Ed Miliband, I’m not going to make false promises, but a vote for Mebyon Kernow is a vote for the traditional Cornish pasty.”

Ed Miliband wants to concrete over my garden, says mother of 6

On a recent visit to Finchley-on-Sea, Ed Miliband allegedly offered to concrete over a young mother’s garden.

Mother of 6, Abigail Buckett, 24, said: Mr Miliband was bangin’ on about getting Britain building again and said something about people sitting on land. I kinda lost interest for a bit, until I heard him offer to concrete over my garden.

“It sounded like a euphemism – and probably was. I hear he’s become something of a sex symbol with teenage girls since Zain left from One D. Anyway, he’s not going anywhere near my garden: it’s a mess as it is. And if he does get any ideas, I’m calling the police.

Wallacemum

Don’t be put off by my oily complexion, says Miliband

In a live radio interview Ed Miliband urged voters not to be “put off” by his oily complexion.

He said: “What I have to say is this. None of us are perfect. This is what I tell myself every morning when I look at myself in the mirrors of my two bathrooms.

“What I also have to say is this. I urge voters not to be put off by my oily complexion. It’s better to have a Prime Minister with an oily complexion, who can turn back the tide of austerity, than it is to have a Prime Minister like David Cameron with his endless cuts.

“A vote for Labour is a vote for equality, for people of every skin colour and complexion.”

 ed milliband