Cornwall Council votes in favour of placing rubber rings around concrete posts

Cornwall councillors have today voted in favour of placing rubber rings around all concrete posts owned by the Council.

The decision will not affect the black posts bearing the Duchy shield logo.

A spokesman for the Council, Denzil Landrevan, said: “This move will hopefully achieve two things. Firstly, it should prevent thousands of pounds worth of damage to vehicles each year.

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Could pasty crimper from Cornwall win Britain’s Got Talent 2016?

Reckon you’ve got what it takes to be a Britain’s Got Talent star?

Pauline Buckett, 44, from Troon in Cornwall thinks she has.

Pauline has been crimping pasties for over 25 years at Philips Bakery and has decided to show off her skills in front of the BGT production team who’re busy roaming the country in search of new talent before the new series hits our screens next year.

Reporters spoke to Pauline, and her family, at her home on Newton Road.

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Ravers rejoice as Cornish venue changes its name to The Shirehorse

The management of The Ritz in Penzance, Cornwall have decided to change the venue’s name to The Shirehorse – the name of the legendary St Ives nightclub which closed its doors more than 15 years ago.

The announcement was made on yesterday’s evening news by The Ritz spokesman, Paul Cab. He said: “the decision was made after we realised that The Ritz has had too many Shire reunions and rave nights to justify being called The Ritz any longer.”

Speaking to reporters at Archie’s café earlier this morning was MC Splann, 42, well known for rinsing out a line or two in the Cornish language, and new kid on the bloke, DJ Past E, 19.

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Camborne Mafia caught selling knock-off pasties

A criminal organisation known as the Camborne Mafia were detained by police yesterday evening at around 7pm outside Argos in Camborne after reports that the gang were selling knock-off pasties.

Taxi driver, Jack Dash, 54, said: “I saw the boys loitering outside Argos, selling, what they claimed to be Rowes pasties. One of the other driver’s bought a pasty from them, but said it was definitely not a Rowes. It must have been a knock-off pasty. So we called the Old Bill.”

Sergeant Dave Pedrevan, 39, said: “when myself and PC Carpenter arrived on the scene there were 5 lads aged between 6 and 18. One of them had a Tesco carrier. Probably an old one, before they started charging for them.

“Inside the carrier there was this smell, like sweaty old socks and a dozen pasties in white paper bags. Far too many for personal use. The youngest lad tried telling us that they were Rowes pasties. A likely story.”

PC Dick Carpenter, 24, said: “criminals making money from knock-off pasties usually make a mistake somewhere along the line. In this case it was the initials on the pasties, matching the initials of the boys standing in front of us.

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Cotswolds granted minority status

It has been announced that the Cotswolds, and its people, will be granted minority status under European rules.

Wine merchant Archibold Wayne-Scott, 58, from Stow on the Wold said:

“This is fantastic news. Myself and a few others applied for the Cotswolds to have minority status just after the Cornish were granted it last year.

“Because, let’s be honest, if the Cornish can be awarded with such exclusivity, why should we in the Cotswolds be left out? The Cornish like to boast about their culture and language, but what have they got which we haven’t?

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Cornish town given ‘ghetto status’ rating by tourism website

Camborne in Cornwall has been given a rare ‘ghetto status’ rating by tourism review website, holidaysuk.co.uk.

Reviewer Malcolm Lovell’s less than complimentary review focused on the town’s after hours entertainment, saying:

“Camborne’s night life was jaw dropping, reminiscent of a David Attenborough documentary. I witnessed a group of woman squatting down in the street, drinking and urinating at the same time”.

Lovell also had gripes about the guest house he stayed in:

“My stay at Park-An-Tansy’s Guest House was marred by filth.The wallpaper was hanging off, the bathtub had weeds growing in it, and I found a snake’s skin in my pillowcase.”

Website owner, Andy Vardon, 24, said: “we were obliged to review Camborne after one of our website users described the place as a ‘no-go zone’. The way I see it is, we have to give honest reviews.

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PM and wife could have come face to face with the Faecal Beast, says expert

We should have, by now, all heard about the Camerons surfing in raw sewage whilst on holiday in Cornwall. But did they nearly meet the Faecal Beast?

What is the Faecal Beast you might ask?

There have been sightings of a mysterious creature, some call the Faecal Beast, living off the Cornish coast for about as long as South West Water has been flushing raw sewage into the sea. Coincidence?

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