David Cameron spent most of the time staring at my cleavage, says Harriet Harman

Harriet Harman, this week, stepped back from front bench politics after 28 years of service. Just three days before her party choses a successor to Ed Miliband.

But she didn’t go down without a fight. Harman decided to make her last appearance at the dispatch box a memorable one, interrogating David Cameron at Wednesday’s PMQs over the number of Syrian refugees that will be allowed into the UK this year.

Discussing Wednesday’s PMQs on BBC Radio Live this morning, Harman said:

“He spoke about meetings, the excellent work done by Save the Children, and even paid tribute to my 28 years in service as a front bencher. But this crisis is happening as we speak.

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These do-gooders need to accept that the correct term is ‘migrant’, says Farage

Do we refer to the migrants coming into Europe from parts of Africa and the Middle East as ‘migrants’ or ‘refugees’?

The debate surrounding this issue has turned many social media sites into war zones over the past couple of weeks.

Appearing live on Birmingham’s KFB Radio this afternoon, UKIP leader Nigel Farage had a lot to say on the matter.

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PM and wife could have come face to face with the Faecal Beast, says expert

We should have, by now, all heard about the Camerons surfing in raw sewage whilst on holiday in Cornwall. But did they nearly meet the Faecal Beast?

What is the Faecal Beast you might ask?

There have been sightings of a mysterious creature, some call the Faecal Beast, living off the Cornish coast for about as long as South West Water has been flushing raw sewage into the sea. Coincidence?

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Cameron told to fu*k off by pasty shop employee

The incident happened whilst the Prime Minister, and wife Samantha, were on holiday in Polzeath, Cornwall.

Kath Legest, manager of The Splaan Pasty Shop, said: “Mr Cameron and wife came into the shop and ordered a box full of pasties and cakes, presumably to take home with them, but I can’t be sure of that.

“Anyway, after a friendly chat about employment in Cornwall, with myself and Tamara, who’s been working in the shop for over a year now, Mr Cameron took the box from the counter, turned to Tamara, and said, ‘well thank you very much, me ansum…’ That’s when she said what she said. I was forced to suspend Tamara there and then, although I suppose, I can see why she said it.”

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Martians found in back of lorry at Dover port

Border forces were shocked to discover half a dozen Martians hidden inside the back of a lorry at the port of Dover late last night.

An eye-witness had this to say: “I was pissed at the time, which is why I want to remain anonymous, but I saw border officials handcuffing, what I can only describe as monsters, like those from the original of Dr Who series. You know, when monsters looked like they were made by some Blue Peter presenter with learning difficulties – all cardboard, and bubble wrap. It’s a joke, it really is. I’m convinced that one of us drivers will be killed soon.”

Nigel Farage was quick to chip in: “For all we know, these so-called Martians are really French immigrants in suits. I suggest that Border Force send them back to France, using Royal Mail’s Special Delivery service, and let the French authorities deal with the problem.”

David Cameron shares our frustration: “Let’s be clear about this – crystal clear. First of all, I want cast-iron guarantees, from the experts, that these are indeed Martians. And, if they are Martians, my view is simple: Mars, as far as I know, is not part of the EU, and never has been.

“Therefore these Martians, are illegal immigrants, and have not put anything into the system. But. And this is a really big but. As you all know, I’m not one to break promises – but it would be cheaper to keep them in Britain, on benefits, than it would be to send them back home. That’s a fact.

“I share the concerns and frustrations of the British taxpayers, of course I do – but this is, in no way an invitation for their families to come to Britain, to scrounge off the system. Let me make this clear: measures have been taken to ensure that benefits will not be going straight to their families on Mars.

“And, if they are to stay for a long period of time, and do not speak English, they will learn to speak English; if they do not respect British values, they will learn to respect British values; and if they have come to stop the tunnelling under Stonehenge, or try telling us that Stonehenge is some kind of homing beacon – not that my advisors have suggested such a thing – we will make it clear to them, that Stonehenge is not a homing beacon for galactic immigrants, and the tunnel will go ahead, as planned.”