KFC queuing times: number one concern for Camborne & Redruth residents

A new survey conducted by West Country Market Research, aka WC Market Research, has found that, whilst there should be a number of concerns for residents in the Camborne & Redruth area in Cornwall, such as the drilling for geothermal energy at United Downs, or uncontrolled housing development, the only concern, given by the 280 respondents aged between 16-85, was queuing times at the new KFC at the top of Tuckingmill, near Camborne, with a number of these respondents also adding “how hot my chips are” to the list.

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WC Market Research’s Head Analyst, Dick Small, said, “this was an open-ended survey, where respondents gave their own answers. If this was a multiple choice survey the results may have been very different. Saying that, this is Camborne & Redruth we’re  talking about. KFC queuing times at the new branch in Camborne is a bit of a hot potato for residents living in the area.”

Residents were also asked if they’d like to comment.

19-year-old MILF, Chizzy Spangleton, originally from Salford, said: “Queuing times at the new KFC are a major concern for people in the area. Me ‘n’ me kids are like chicken junkies mate, so the quicker I can get me food the better. But problems aside, having a KFC in the area is the best thing to happen to Cornwall this year. I know there’s a KFC in Penzance, but when I need me chicken, I need me chicken, you get me?”

Another resident, 49-year-old Camborne maid, Angie Merrifield, currently single, but looking for a chicken lover, said: “Chicken’s part of my five-a-day, so I’ve already booked a table for Christmas Day, so I’m not complaining. The queuing times are pretty shit though.”

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Cornishman dumps fiancée over false pasty making claims

A heartbroken Cornishman from Pool has dumped his fiancée, just three weeks before their marriage, after finding out that she has been lying to him about her pasty making skills.

Ruan Trewedna, 34, has been coming home from work every Saturday evening to be greeted by the smell of freshly baked pasties ever since the couple moved in together last March.

But last Saturday Mr Trewedna came home from work early to find his mother-in-law to be in their kitchen making the pasties, and his fiancée lying on the sofa watching classic JK.

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Camborne Mafia caught selling knock-off pasties

A criminal organisation known as the Camborne Mafia were detained by police yesterday evening at around 7pm outside Argos in Camborne after reports that the gang were selling knock-off pasties.

Taxi driver, Jack Dash, 54, said: “I saw the boys loitering outside Argos, selling, what they claimed to be Rowes pasties. One of the other driver’s bought a pasty from them, but said it was definitely not a Rowes. It must have been a knock-off pasty. So we called the Old Bill.”

Sergeant Dave Pedrevan, 39, said: “when myself and PC Carpenter arrived on the scene there were 5 lads aged between 6 and 18. One of them had a Tesco carrier. Probably an old one, before they started charging for them.

“Inside the carrier there was this smell, like sweaty old socks and a dozen pasties in white paper bags. Far too many for personal use. The youngest lad tried telling us that they were Rowes pasties. A likely story.”

PC Dick Carpenter, 24, said: “criminals making money from knock-off pasties usually make a mistake somewhere along the line. In this case it was the initials on the pasties, matching the initials of the boys standing in front of us.

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Cornish town given ‘ghetto status’ rating by tourism website

Camborne in Cornwall has been given a rare ‘ghetto status’ rating by tourism review website, holidaysuk.co.uk.

Reviewer Malcolm Lovell’s less than complimentary review focused on the town’s after hours entertainment, saying:

“Camborne’s night life was jaw dropping, reminiscent of a David Attenborough documentary. I witnessed a group of woman squatting down in the street, drinking and urinating at the same time”.

Lovell also had gripes about the guest house he stayed in:

“My stay at Park-An-Tansy’s Guest House was marred by filth.The wallpaper was hanging off, the bathtub had weeds growing in it, and I found a snake’s skin in my pillowcase.”

Website owner, Andy Vardon, 24, said: “we were obliged to review Camborne after one of our website users described the place as a ‘no-go zone’. The way I see it is, we have to give honest reviews.

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