Ed Miliband’s DNA identical to a Victoria sponge

Professor Bryan Cocks from BritonsDNA conducted the research after the Labour leader’s brother, David, questioned Ed Miliband’s belief that “there is something cannibalistic about eating sponge”.

“We all know he was a bit of an odd-ball,” said Professor Cocks, “but this research is something else.

“At first I thought David’s request a bit odd, but I carried out the tests anyway, and in my forty years as a geneticist, I have seen nothing like it – Ed Miliband’s DNA is identical to that of a common Victoria sponge.”

Mr Miliband though does not think this at all strange: “I can see that the research may seem odd to some people, but let us look at the broader picture. It wasn’t so long ago that we found out that Eddie Izzard is 40% banana, and I know what I’d rather be.”

Linda Cakebread, owner of Have Your Cake & Eat IT.com said: “I always knew there was something odd about him. I bet you any money that Cameron will bring in a sponge tax, similar to that pasty tax, just to spite him. Then he’ll be outside my shop in Baker Street, Victoria sponge in-hand, like butter wouldn’t melt. Back stabbing bastards, the lot of them.”

Common Victoria Sponge