Cornish community outraged after signpost vandalized

Residents of Pool in Cornwall are outraged after the Church Road ‘Welcome to Pool’ signpost was vandalized, with ‘AND’ graffitied after the word, ‘Pool’. There is some speculation as to how this is meant to read.

UKIP councillor and self-proclaimed exaggerator, Damien Bigot, said: “Let me make this clear, there’s no excuse for criminal damage, but the message is loud and clear. With 10% of the population of Pool being Polish – the other half being English, of course, the perpetrators or perpetrator may well have a point.”

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Police hunt for men of ‘foreign origin’ over sex attacks on inanimate objects

German police are hunting for a number of men of ‘foreign origin’ after a spate of sexual assaults on inanimate objects in Düsseldorf. This follows a number of complaints of sexual assaults against women in Cologne on New Year’s Eve.

One man filed a complaint after returning home from work to find two men of ‘foreign origin’ in his living room. One sexually assaulting his sofa, after making a hole in it with a kitchen knife; the other sexually assaulting his paper shredder.

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Cornish pasty shop robbery: robber gets away with medium steak

Police are appealing for witnesses after a man wearing a David Cameron mask robbed a pasty shop in Truro, Cornwall, getting away with a medium steak worth £2.85. The incident happened at around 17:00 this afternoon.

Trew Carpenter, 19, who’s worked at The Oggy Lowen Pasty Shop for about three months said: “I was on my own at the time. My manager, Eliza, was in the back of the shop sampling a bacon bite.

“Anyway, this man, wearing a David Cameron mask, strolled into the shop and walked straight into the counter. He couldn’t see where he was going, you know, because of the mask. 

“He then pulled out what he said was a gun, hidden inside a SpongeBob pencil case, although I’m sure it was curved, you know, like a banana. I was terrified.

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Cornishman dumps fiancée over false pasty making claims

A heartbroken Cornishman from Pool has dumped his fiancée, just three weeks before their marriage, after finding out that she has been lying to him about her pasty making skills.

Ruan Trewedna, 34, has been coming home from work every Saturday evening to be greeted by the smell of freshly baked pasties ever since the couple moved in together last March.

But last Saturday Mr Trewedna came home from work early to find his mother-in-law to be in their kitchen making the pasties, and his fiancée lying on the sofa watching classic JK.

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Cornwall Council votes in favour of placing rubber rings around concrete posts

Cornwall councillors have today voted in favour of placing rubber rings around all concrete posts owned by the Council.

The decision will not affect the black posts bearing the Duchy shield logo.

A spokesman for the Council, Denzil Landrevan, said: “This move will hopefully achieve two things. Firstly, it should prevent thousands of pounds worth of damage to vehicles each year.

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Telesales branch manager resorts to employing mixed-race staff to confuse diversity quotas.

The branch manager of a telesales company in North London has come up with the idea of only employing mixed-race staff to confuse ‘impossible’ diversity quotas from the company’s head office in Birmingham.

Branch manager, Roger Bean, 43, said: “I was told by head office that the branch had to employ an equal amount of staff from different ethnic backgrounds, i.e. white/British, Eastern European, black, Asian, and Oriental.

“But it became too much to cope with. We started to take on staff because of their skin colour, not their skills. It was impossible. So I came up with the idea of only employing staff who are mixed-race, in the hope it would confuse head office quotas.”

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Could pasty crimper from Cornwall win Britain’s Got Talent 2016?

Reckon you’ve got what it takes to be a Britain’s Got Talent star?

Pauline Buckett, 44, from Troon in Cornwall thinks she has.

Pauline has been crimping pasties for over 25 years at Philips Bakery and has decided to show off her skills in front of the BGT production team who’re busy roaming the country in search of new talent before the new series hits our screens next year.

Reporters spoke to Pauline, and her family, at her home on Newton Road.

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