Diane Abbott and Jeremy Corbyn gaslight each other all the time, says Labour MP

The actions of a contestant on ITV’s Love Island have led to a leading domestic abuse charity to issue concerns about a form of emotional abuse called “gaslighting”, the act of lighting one’s own fart with a naked flame.

But this form of emotional abuse isn’t confined to reality TV. Speaking to Berkshire Voice Radio this morning, Labour MP Cynthia Winder has also voiced concerns about gaslighting in the Labour Party.

She said: “when I first attended the House of Commons I was talking to two other Labour MPs about Brexit, prior to the opening debate, and unbeknownst to me, another Labour MP was standing behind me with his arse close to the back my head, ready to set light to an oncoming fart.

“I wondered why my two Right Honourable friends I was speaking to were smirking. Anyway, the fart came and I could feel the heat of the flame on the back of my head. I’d only had my hair done the day before. I was horrified. So to was my Right Honourable friend who farted, because he pushed too hard for his own good, if you see what I mean?

“MPs from other parties were there too, but they just ignored what was going on, used to the shenanigans that Labour MPs get up to. I’ve also since learned that Diane Abbott and Jeremy Corbyn gaslight with each other all the time. Not really something you want to think about.”

 

 

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Who serves up the WORST Cornish Pasty, 2017 – Revealed!

We’ve all seen the various polls for the best pasties and pasty shops in Cornwall. But who serves up the worst pasty? Brenda Frisbee investigations. 

 

3. The Marzipan Pasty

 
Discovered in one of Newquay’s many gift shops, aptly named, The Gift Shop, the Marzipan Pasty turned out to be just that – a solid block of fuc*king marzipan. Right on!

 
2. Merlins Magic Pasty

 
Bought from a catering van called Tezs, in Tintagel, there was nothing magical about Merlins Magic Pasty… or Tez’s enthusiasm for apostrophes. The pasty was hard as a rock on the outside, and soft on the inside. And it oddly enough, it even looked like an armadillo. Pass the sick bag!

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Segway riders bearing gifts of bling, dubstep, and respect: school play sparks mixed reactions from parents

Year after year we have seen countless primary schools axeing the traditional Christmas nativity in favour of politically-correct “Winter Celebrations”. And by the looks of it, this year’s not going to be any different.

St Cleef Primary School in South East London is rehearsing their play which features three Segway riders: an African NHS doctor, a Muslim mayor, and a Turkish barber, who follow the Bethnal Green Star to a refugee centre where they bear gifts of bling, dubstep, and respect.

One concerned mum, Cindy White, 23, said: “I wasn’t surprised that the school wasn’t holding a traditional play. Last year’s play had Thor in it, who came to the school bearing sweets. It caused a lot of concern because the guy playing the god of thunder looked like a paedo. Nothing like the actor in the Marvel films. It’s a good job the school banned any photography for that one.

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Conservative MP: Flying Cornish flag should be banned after Britain leaves EU

Flying Cornwall’s national flag, the flag of Saint Piran, should be banned, a Conservative MP has suggested.

Eastham MP Peter Chumbly-Newton made the comment at a South West Erecting Conference in Plymouth Tuesday afternoon, shortly after a lunch break where the MPs feasted on salmon pate, caviar vol-au-vents, and expensive champers.

In his speech Mr Chumbly-Newton said: “People in Cornwall seem to think they can go it alone. That isn’t going to happen. After Britain leaves the European Union, no matter what deal we get, we will need to work together. Cornwall is part of the South West and should start acting like it.

He continued: “Politicians in Cornwall don’t seem to like any devolution deal we offer them. The way I see it is this, if people in Cornwall don’t want to work with the rest of the country, maybe, after Britain leaves the EU, we should ban them from flying that black and white flag of theirs. The national flag of England is the flag of St George, they need to start accepting that fact.”

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Another mosque bacon attack: police hunt for Ed Miliband

Police in Finchwick were called to a mosque yesterday afternoon after a man matching the description of Ed Miliband left a half-eaten bacon butty outside the place of worship, preventing worshippers from entering the building.

DCI Nicky Clover said: “Whether this was a deliberate attack or not has yet to be established. The bin, also outside the mosque, was full so it’s possible that the perpetrator didn’t like the butty and placed the offending item as close to the bin as possible, which happened to be the entrance to the mosque.

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200 MILLION migrant pigeons could invade Europe in 2016

Top EU officials have been warned that pigeons are disappearing from cities across the Middle East at an alarming rate and are heading in unprecedented numbers to countries across Europe, all due to the threat imposed upon them by the jihadist organization, ISIS.

Bertram Cumberbatch, head of The International Bird Watching Society, said: “ISIS have made the pigeon an enemy by preventing pigeon breeding on roofs, as they claim that the sight of the birds’ genitalia is a distraction from their daily worship. This has led to many of the birds ending up in ISIS torture camps, where they are beaten, flogged, burned and even beheaded.

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Cornish pasty shop robbery: robber gets away with medium steak

Police are appealing for witnesses after a man wearing a David Cameron mask robbed a pasty shop in Truro, Cornwall, getting away with a medium steak worth £2.85. The incident happened at around 17:00 this afternoon.

Trew Carpenter, 19, who’s worked at The Oggy Lowen Pasty Shop for about three months said: “I was on my own at the time. My manager, Eliza, was in the back of the shop sampling a bacon bite.

“Anyway, this man, wearing a David Cameron mask, strolled into the shop and walked straight into the counter. He couldn’t see where he was going, you know, because of the mask. 

“He then pulled out what he said was a gun, hidden inside a SpongeBob pencil case, although I’m sure it was curved, you know, like a banana. I was terrified.

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