“Old Skool”: any dance music older than 2018, says music producer

The use of the term “old skool”, as an electronic dance music genre, has long been challenged by DJs, producers, promoters, and music enthusiasts alike. The term came about in the mid ’90s to describe the ‘91-‘93 hardcore/rave/jungle techno scene, which needed a new name after happy hardcore also became know, simply as, “hardcore”.

Since then, one of the biggest challenges to the term is from young people, who see most music as being old. Because to them, it is! Even ten years ago it wouldn’t have been uncommon for someone to use the term old skool to describe ‘94 jungle. They can’t simply say, old skool jungle, it’s just old skool to them. Fast forward ten years, and everything from grime to dubstep or halftime is suddenly “old skool” as well.

Discussing old skool in the CRP music magazine, 16-year-old hard grimestep artist, Jimmy Section aka Techno Shag, said:

“Old skool is basically any dance music older than 2018. It has to be. I wouldn’t have heard much before that because I was too busy cracking-off to Little Mix (laughs).

“Don’t get me wrong, it would have been great being around back in the day, listening to DJs like Grooverider in the early ‘80s or whenever it was, but that was like two decades before I was born. I wasn’t even a sperm in my dad’s groin back then. Grooverider could be like my grandfather now. Apart from him being black and all that. But you know what I mean.”

Just imagine, in another 30-40 years, the original old skool ravers will be in nursing homes telling their grandkids about that legendary Ellis Dee set in ’93 or watching Altern 8 on TOTP in ’92… only for their grandkids to start banging on about the latest urban shizzlestep or blimtime. To them, any DJ not mixing on the latest brainware with inbuilt sync control will be old skool.

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KFC queuing times: number one concern for Camborne & Redruth residents

A new survey conducted by West Country Market Research, aka WC Market Research, has found that, whilst there should be a number of concerns for residents in the Camborne & Redruth area in Cornwall, such as the drilling for geothermal energy at United Downs, or uncontrolled housing development, the only concern, given by the 280 respondents aged between 16-85, was queuing times at the new KFC at the top of Tuckingmill, near Camborne, with a number of these respondents also adding “how hot my chips are” to the list.

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WC Market Research’s Head Analyst, Dick Small, said, “this was an open-ended survey, where respondents gave their own answers. If this was a multiple choice survey the results may have been very different. Saying that, this is Camborne & Redruth we’re  talking about. KFC queuing times at the new branch in Camborne is a bit of a hot potato for residents living in the area.”

Residents were also asked if they’d like to comment.

19-year-old MILF, Chizzy Spangleton, originally from Salford, said: “Queuing times at the new KFC are a major concern for people in the area. Me ‘n’ me kids are like chicken junkies mate, so the quicker I can get me food the better. But problems aside, having a KFC in the area is the best thing to happen to Cornwall this year. I know there’s a KFC in Penzance, but when I need me chicken, I need me chicken, you get me?”

Another resident, 49-year-old Camborne maid, Angie Merrifield, currently single, but looking for a chicken lover, said: “Chicken’s part of my five-a-day, so I’ve already booked a table for Christmas Day, so I’m not complaining. The queuing times are pretty shit though.”

Doctor Who: talking donkey-zebra hybrid hinted to be season 12 companion

Whether you like it or not, Season 11 of Doctor Who celebrates equality & diversity in all its glory. From the Doctor’s rainbow t-shirt, in respect of gay pride, to the man giving birth on last Sunday’s episode, The Tsuranga Conundrum, and even hints that the Doctor herself bats for both sides. And the fun doesn’t stop there…

… in celebration of the birth of Britain’s second zonkey, a donkey crossed with a zebra, the BBC have hinted that a new companion for Season 12 could actually be a zonkey, and that the zonkey will be able to talk just like the other companions.

Speaking on Timey-Wimey FM, Tilly Champers, 16, a spokesperson for the LGBT Whovian Group, said: “we should celebrate all forms of diversity, so the news that a zonkey might be joining the crew of the TARDIS is music to my little gay ears.

“Since Jodie has been on the show, a lot of the older fans have been exposed for their racist and sexist views, being against anyone who isn’t white, male and heterosexual. Well, let’s see what they think of this idea. I pray to God, the zonkey isn’t straight.”

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Diane Abbott and Jeremy Corbyn gaslight each other all the time, says Labour MP

The actions of a contestant on ITV’s Love Island have led to a leading domestic abuse charity to issue concerns about a form of emotional abuse called “gaslighting”, the act of lighting one’s own fart with a naked flame.

But this form of emotional abuse isn’t confined to reality TV. Speaking to Berkshire Voice Radio this morning, Labour MP Cynthia Winder has also voiced concerns about gaslighting in the Labour Party.

She said: “when I first attended the House of Commons I was talking to two other Labour MPs about Brexit, prior to the opening debate, and unbeknownst to me, another Labour MP was standing behind me with his arse close to the back my head, ready to set light to an oncoming fart.

“I wondered why my two Right Honourable friends I was speaking to were smirking. Anyway, the fart came and I could feel the heat of the flame on the back of my head. I’d only had my hair done the day before. I was horrified. So to was my Right Honourable friend who farted, because he pushed too hard for his own good, if you see what I mean?

“MPs from other parties were there too, but they just ignored what was going on, used to the shenanigans that Labour MPs get up to. I’ve also since learned that Diane Abbott and Jeremy Corbyn gaslight with each other all the time. Not really something you want to think about.”

 

 

Who serves up the WORST Cornish Pasty, 2017 – Revealed!

We’ve all seen the various polls for the best pasties and pasty shops in Cornwall. But who serves up the worst pasty? Brenda Frisbee investigations. 

 

3. The Marzipan Pasty

 
Discovered in one of Newquay’s many gift shops, aptly named, The Gift Shop, the Marzipan Pasty turned out to be just that – a solid block of fuc*king marzipan. Right on!

 
2. Merlins Magic Pasty

 
Bought from a catering van called Tezs, in Tintagel, there was nothing magical about Merlins Magic Pasty… or Tez’s enthusiasm for apostrophes. The pasty was hard as a rock on the outside, and soft on the inside. And it oddly enough, it even looked like an armadillo. Pass the sick bag!

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Segway riders bearing gifts of bling, dubstep, and respect: school play sparks mixed reactions from parents

Year after year we have seen countless primary schools axeing the traditional Christmas nativity in favour of politically-correct “Winter Celebrations”. And by the looks of it, this year’s not going to be any different.

St Cleef Primary School in South East London is rehearsing their play which features three Segway riders: an African NHS doctor, a Muslim mayor, and a Turkish barber, who follow the Bethnal Green Star to a refugee centre where they bear gifts of bling, dubstep, and respect.

One concerned mum, Cindy White, 23, said: “I wasn’t surprised that the school wasn’t holding a traditional play. Last year’s play had Thor in it, who came to the school bearing sweets. It caused a lot of concern because the guy playing the god of thunder looked like a paedo. Nothing like the actor in the Marvel films. It’s a good job the school banned any photography for that one.

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Conservative MP: Flying Cornish flag should be banned after Britain leaves EU

Flying Cornwall’s national flag, the flag of Saint Piran, should be banned, a Conservative MP has suggested.

Eastham MP Peter Chumbly-Newton made the comment at a South West Erecting Conference in Plymouth Tuesday afternoon, shortly after a lunch break where the MPs feasted on salmon pate, caviar vol-au-vents, and expensive champers.

In his speech Mr Chumbly-Newton said: “People in Cornwall seem to think they can go it alone. That isn’t going to happen. After Britain leaves the European Union, no matter what deal we get, we will need to work together. Cornwall is part of the South West and should start acting like it.

He continued: “Politicians in Cornwall don’t seem to like any devolution deal we offer them. The way I see it is this, if people in Cornwall don’t want to work with the rest of the country, maybe, after Britain leaves the EU, we should ban them from flying that black and white flag of theirs. The national flag of England is the flag of St George, they need to start accepting that fact.”

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