KFC queuing times: number one concern for Camborne & Redruth residents

A new survey conducted by West Country Market Research, aka WC Market Research, has found that, whilst there should be a number of concerns for residents in the Camborne & Redruth area in Cornwall, such as the drilling for geothermal energy at United Downs, or uncontrolled housing development, the only concern, given by the 280 respondents aged between 16-85, was queuing times at the new KFC at the top of Tuckingmill, near Camborne, with a number of these respondents also adding “how hot my chips are” to the list.

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WC Market Research’s Head Analyst, Dick Small, said, “this was an open-ended survey, where respondents gave their own answers. If this was a multiple choice survey the results may have been very different. Saying that, this is Camborne & Redruth we’re  talking about. KFC queuing times at the new branch in Camborne is a bit of a hot potato for residents living in the area.”

Residents were also asked if they’d like to comment.

19-year-old MILF, Chizzy Spangleton, originally from Salford, said: “Queuing times at the new KFC are a major concern for people in the area. Me ‘n’ me kids are like chicken junkies mate, so the quicker I can get me food the better. But problems aside, having a KFC in the area is the best thing to happen to Cornwall this year. I know there’s a KFC in Penzance, but when I need me chicken, I need me chicken, you get me?”

Another resident, 49-year-old Camborne maid, Angie Merrifield, currently single, but looking for a chicken lover, said: “Chicken’s part of my five-a-day, so I’ve already booked a table for Christmas Day, so I’m not complaining. The queuing times are pretty shit though.”

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Who serves up the WORST Cornish Pasty, 2017 – Revealed!

We’ve all seen the various polls for the best pasties and pasty shops in Cornwall. But who serves up the worst pasty? Brenda Frisbee investigations. 

 

3. The Marzipan Pasty

 
Discovered in one of Newquay’s many gift shops, aptly named, The Gift Shop, the Marzipan Pasty turned out to be just that – a solid block of fuc*king marzipan. Right on!

 
2. Merlins Magic Pasty

 
Bought from a catering van called Tezs, in Tintagel, there was nothing magical about Merlins Magic Pasty… or Tez’s enthusiasm for apostrophes. The pasty was hard as a rock on the outside, and soft on the inside. And it oddly enough, it even looked like an armadillo. Pass the sick bag!

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Conservative MP: Flying Cornish flag should be banned after Britain leaves EU

Flying Cornwall’s national flag, the flag of Saint Piran, should be banned, a Conservative MP has suggested.

Eastham MP Peter Chumbly-Newton made the comment at a South West Erecting Conference in Plymouth Tuesday afternoon, shortly after a lunch break where the MPs feasted on salmon pate, caviar vol-au-vents, and expensive champers.

In his speech Mr Chumbly-Newton said: “People in Cornwall seem to think they can go it alone. That isn’t going to happen. After Britain leaves the European Union, no matter what deal we get, we will need to work together. Cornwall is part of the South West and should start acting like it.

He continued: “Politicians in Cornwall don’t seem to like any devolution deal we offer them. The way I see it is this, if people in Cornwall don’t want to work with the rest of the country, maybe, after Britain leaves the EU, we should ban them from flying that black and white flag of theirs. The national flag of England is the flag of St George, they need to start accepting that fact.”

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Cornwall could split from England – LITERALLY!

A professor from Finchley University, in Barnham-on-Wick, has warned Cornwall Council against further house building, advising the council that the extra weight from inward migration could tear Cornwall away from England, leaving the region to drift off into the Atlantic.

Professor Morton, Head of Environmental Physics at Finchley University said: “The Tamar is essentially a tear between two land masses, held together by the top end. But any extra weight could widen the gap and see Cornwall drift off into the Atlantic.

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Archaeologists unearth oldest Cornish pasty to date – and it contains CARROT!

The pasty was discovered at an archaeological dig near Lanner in Cornwall, where archaeologists have been busy unearthing what remains of an old building, thought to date back to the 9th century AD.

Lead archaeologist, Dick Bone, said: “The pasty was found above floor level of the building, with carbon analysis dating it to around 850 AD. Which is exactly when we think the building would have been in use. One of the team suggested that the building may well have been a bakery.

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Cameron told to fu*k off by pasty shop employee

The incident happened whilst the Prime Minister, and wife Samantha, were on holiday in Polzeath, Cornwall.

Kath Legest, manager of The Splaan Pasty Shop, said: “Mr Cameron and wife came into the shop and ordered a box full of pasties and cakes, presumably to take home with them, but I can’t be sure of that.

“Anyway, after a friendly chat about employment in Cornwall, with myself and Tamara, who’s been working in the shop for over a year now, Mr Cameron took the box from the counter, turned to Tamara, and said, ‘well thank you very much, me ansum…’ That’s when she said what she said. I was forced to suspend Tamara there and then, although I suppose, I can see why she said it.”

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Miliband reveals 6 point plan to Northernise Cornwall’s food banks

Ed Miliband has set out, what he has described as, a 6 point plan (a food menu) to introduce to Cornwall’s food banks.

He said: What I have to say is this. I have set out a 6 point plan to add additional food to the food banks of Cornwall. For example: I hear that many people in the county are having to eat their meals without gravy. This is not acceptable in the 21st Century.

“Under a Labour government, food parcels in Cornwall will include gravy, a variety of pies and puddings, and if there’s enough gravy left, Eccles cakes for pudding.”

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But is this an attempt to Northernise Cornwall’s poorest areas?

Kazia Mitchell, 29, thinks so: “Camborne has been inundated with Labour propaganda from that scary man with the second-home. And with it, there’s an unmistakable lack of optimism in the air, and an irrational need to see the World in a cynical way.

“It’s as if I’ve woken up in Northern England. And now Ed Miliband’s trying to feed tripe to the people using food banks – literally!”

Dick Cole, leader of Mebyon Kernow has described the Labour leader’s 6 point plan as both, ‘patronising’ and ‘insulting’.

He said: “To bribe some of the poorest people in our communities in this way is both patronising, and insulting. This is why we need locally elected politicians to represent Cornwall, to give Cornwall a real voice.

“The pasty is the food of our nation, so if any regional food is going to be introduced into our food banks, it should be that.

“Mebyon Kernow is the only party committed to fighting the Tories pasty tax and Labour’s undermining of our national food with promises of black pudding and Shropshire Fidget pie.

“Unlike Ed Miliband, I’m not going to make false promises, but a vote for Mebyon Kernow is a vote for the traditional Cornish pasty.”