US tycoon Donald Trump has been given the go-ahead to have a £2 billion hunting park built near to his golf course in Aberdeenshire, Scotland – despite Aberdeenshire Council seemingly unable to clarify which game will be hunted on the 400 acre site.
Trump however insists that the game will be the Scot’s favourite dish, haggis.
Whilst many people in Scotland claim the haggis to be a wild animal (haggis scoticus) it is actually the innards of sheep. It is unclear whether Trump is aware of this fact.
According to Angus MacFly, landlord of The Merry Thistle in Aberdeen, Trump fell in love with the dish on a recent visit to his pub. He said:
“Trump came in a few months back and had one of our haggis specialities with black pudding. He loved it so much that he decided, there and then, to open up a haggis hunting park. Well, I thought he was having a laugh. I didn’t think for one minute that he was serious.”
Head of tourism in Aberdeenshire, Jimmy Scot, 52, said: “I was talking to the park manager, Rob MacTaggart, who tried telling me that the park will be a boost for the Scottish economy, even if wild haggis is a fictional animal. I don’t think so matey.”
Park Manager, Rob MacTaggart, 29, said: “I’ve not actually met Trump, so I don’t know if he thinks haggis is a real animal or not. I just take orders from the park’s head office in New York.
“It’s not easy being park manager. This week alone I’ve had to deal with two lots of protestors: anti-hunt protestors on Tuesday, and animal rights protestors yesterday. Haggis isn’t even a real animal for God’s sake.
“And Butch, an artist I’ve employed to do a sign for the park, is up-in-arms because I didn’t like the sign he’d come up with. It had haggis meat on it, with a target. I went berserk. I mean, you can’t go hunting pieces of meat can you?”
Artist, Butch Prodigy, 47, said: “when Rob called me and asked me do a sign for a haggis hunting park, I thought he was having a fuckin’ laugh. But he sent me some money, a lot of money, so I got on with the job.
“But when I showed him the sign he went ape, effing and blinding because I’d drawn haggis meat on it. The whole idea’s so fuckin’ nuts. I’ve now got to get peshed every night just to get to sleep. I keep having nightmares about being attacked by wild haggis.”
The park is set to open in June 2016.
Original sign made by Scottish artist, Butch Prodigy