Camborne Mafia caught selling knock-off pasties

A criminal organisation known as the Camborne Mafia were detained by police yesterday evening at around 7pm outside Argos in Camborne after reports that the gang were selling knock-off pasties.

Taxi driver, Jack Dash, 54, said: “I saw the boys loitering outside Argos, selling, what they claimed to be Rowes pasties. One of the other driver’s bought a pasty from them, but said it was definitely not a Rowes. It must have been a knock-off pasty. So we called the Old Bill.”

Sergeant Dave Pedrevan, 39, said: “when myself and PC Carpenter arrived on the scene there were 5 lads aged between 6 and 18. One of them had a Tesco carrier. Probably an old one, before they started charging for them.

“Inside the carrier there was this smell, like sweaty old socks and a dozen pasties in white paper bags. Far too many for personal use. The youngest lad tried telling us that they were Rowes pasties. A likely story.”

PC Dick Carpenter, 24, said: “criminals making money from knock-off pasties usually make a mistake somewhere along the line. In this case it was the initials on the pasties, matching the initials of the boys standing in front of us.

mafia pasty

One of the pasties made by the Mafia

“We’ve also been informed by our pasty expert Bryony Trevorrow that the meat tastes suspiciously like cat food. One thing’s for certain, even if the meat does turn out to be cat food, at 50 pence a pasty, which is what the gang were selling them for, they would still have made a loss.

“I cannot stress enough that the criminal activity caused by the Camborne Mafia is concerning, but also exaggerated, by both the media and public. I recently caught one of the gang member’s in Vyvyan Street, off his head on cheap cherryade and second-hand cigarette smoke, spraying the words ‘Camborne Mafia’ on a wall in urine.

“It turned out that he’d lost his marker pen and didn’t have enough money to buy another one, so resorted to graffitiing the town in his piss. This has led to the suggestion that the money made from these pasties is to fund the gang with new marker pens. A recipe for disaster if you ask me.

“The gang have been cautioned, but could face a fine if caught selling knock-off pasties a second time round. If you are approached by anyone selling pasties, especially if they’re aged between 6 and 18 and wearing shell suits, do not hesitate to contact the police station.”

camborne mafia

Some of the gangs graffiti, back in their heyday, in Gurney’s Mews

One thought on “Camborne Mafia caught selling knock-off pasties

  1. Lol this is sooooo stupid…. firstly after living in camborne i know that these kids are litterally nothing but little kids who write there names on deralic buildings…
    There kids…
    Why dont the police work on the heavy use and distrobution of heroin… crack… speed… ket… etc that half of camborne seems to be junked up on instead of waisting time on kids… baby games… and then u post it proudly how u wont leave these kids alone….
    Have u ever considered that there doing it for attention as there bored… they need to invest in somewhere for the youth to enjoy so they wont be grafiting your beloved toilet… fuk sakes…. can clearly see why all the police are being shut down and retired not exactly needed when they dont do anything usefull but bully kids all day…..
    “Too many pasties for personal use”
    Ive never herd of anything so stupid…
    If anything im pretty sure wroes do a deal like 12 pasties for 10 so yeah they prob did get them from wroes and then the police make a bull shit report like that….
    As if they were homemade with cat food they would have surely been arrested but… ohh no… no charges were made…
    Is that because they were innocent?? Who knows but your still here writing slander…!!!


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