Ed Miliband goes missing

Former Labour leader Ed Miliband has gone missing after a routine trip to Marks & Spencers with wife Justine. The Incident happened on Saturday afternoon at around 2pm at their local store in North London.

Mrs Miliband told reporters: “It was just another day in M&S really. Before entering the store some kids were shouting things like, ‘Oi Wallace, where’s Gromit?’ but it was nothing really.

“In the store I asked Ed to get some milk as I forgot to pick some up when we were in the dairy aisle. But he never came back.

“After about half an hour or so I got the staff to put a call out for Ed to meet me at the general enquiries desk. But he never came.

“I even had a security guard walk around the lingerie department with a piece of cheese dangling on a stick in case he was hiding in amongst the bras, like he does. Still nothing.

“A couple of days later PC Plod arrived at our house and asked if Ed had any friends that he might be staying with, but he hasn’t any. I don’t know what’s happened to him.”

In a direct appeal on national TV PC Plod said: “The situation isn’t good. Ed hasn’t any friends to stay with, and apparently doesn’t know how to work his credit card to draw money out or buy food with.

“If anyone’s seen Ed, I urge them to call the police on the usual number, or the police station direct, ASAP. He was last seen wearing a distinctive Doctor Who cardigan, bow tie, white shirt, and brown corduroy trousers.”

miliband missing

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