Could pasty crimper from Cornwall win Britain’s Got Talent 2016?

Reckon you’ve got what it takes to be a Britain’s Got Talent star?

Pauline Buckett, 44, from Troon in Cornwall thinks she has.

Pauline has been crimping pasties for over 25 years at Philips Bakery and has decided to show off her skills in front of the BGT production team who’re busy roaming the country in search of new talent before the new series hits our screens next year.

Reporters spoke to Pauline, and her family, at her home on Newton Road.

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Assad reveals new passion for ice hockey

Bashar al-Assad’s latest announcement, broadcast live on Syrian state television, has angered both US and UK officials.

He said: “whilst on my visit to Moscow, Mr Putin kindly offered to teach me how to play ice hockey. He has insisted that I go to Moscow regularly to learn the game. So I agreed.

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Ravers rejoice as Cornish venue changes its name to The Shirehorse

The management of The Ritz in Penzance, Cornwall have decided to change the venue’s name to The Shirehorse – the name of the legendary St Ives nightclub which closed its doors more than 15 years ago.

The announcement was made on yesterday’s evening news by The Ritz spokesman, Paul Cab. He said: “the decision was made after we realised that The Ritz has had too many Shire reunions and rave nights to justify being called The Ritz any longer.”

Speaking to reporters at Archie’s café earlier this morning was MC Splann, 42, well known for rinsing out a line or two in the Cornish language, and new kid on the bloke, DJ Past E, 19.

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Osborne Halloween mask not as scary as the real thing, says consumer rights forum

A consumer rights forum, Don’t Stand for It, has been inundated with complaints about a George Osborne Halloween mask, which its makers claim, is ‘as scary as the real thing’.

Don’t Stand for It spokesman, Doug Envoy, said: “all consumer products have their unique selling points, which often come in the form of ad slogans. But how can a George Osborne mask be any scarier than the face we see on the tele? It’s not going to be.

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The Muppets producers kill off Kermit in a bid to address gun violence in the US

Producers of the new Muppets series, aired on Sky1 this evening, have confirmed that Kermit the Frog will be killed off at some point in the series in a bid to address gun violence in the US.

The decision has been met with the approval of Kanye West, Lady Gaga, and Barack Obama.

The Muppets producer, Ed Stone, said: “The decision to kill off Kermit wasn’t easy, but something needs to be done about gun violence in the US. It’s so bad now that it’s become a topic of everyday banter. It shouldn’t be that way.

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Donald Trump gets go-head for hunting park in Aberdeenshire

US tycoon Donald Trump has been given the go-ahead to have a £2 billion hunting park built near to his golf course in Aberdeenshire, Scotland – despite Aberdeenshire Council seemingly unable to clarify which game will be hunted on the 400 acre site.

Trump however insists that the game will be the Scot’s favourite dish, haggis.

Whilst many people in Scotland claim the haggis to be a wild animal (haggis scoticus) it is actually the innards of sheep. It is unclear whether Trump is aware of this fact.

According to Angus MacFly, landlord of The Merry Thistle in Aberdeen, Trump fell in love with the dish on a recent visit to his pub. He said:

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Camborne Mafia caught selling knock-off pasties

A criminal organisation known as the Camborne Mafia were detained by police yesterday evening at around 7pm outside Argos in Camborne after reports that the gang were selling knock-off pasties.

Taxi driver, Jack Dash, 54, said: “I saw the boys loitering outside Argos, selling, what they claimed to be Rowes pasties. One of the other driver’s bought a pasty from them, but said it was definitely not a Rowes. It must have been a knock-off pasty. So we called the Old Bill.”

Sergeant Dave Pedrevan, 39, said: “when myself and PC Carpenter arrived on the scene there were 5 lads aged between 6 and 18. One of them had a Tesco carrier. Probably an old one, before they started charging for them.

“Inside the carrier there was this smell, like sweaty old socks and a dozen pasties in white paper bags. Far too many for personal use. The youngest lad tried telling us that they were Rowes pasties. A likely story.”

PC Dick Carpenter, 24, said: “criminals making money from knock-off pasties usually make a mistake somewhere along the line. In this case it was the initials on the pasties, matching the initials of the boys standing in front of us.

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