Cotswolds granted minority status

It has been announced that the Cotswolds, and its people, will be granted minority status under European rules.

Wine merchant Archibold Wayne-Scott, 58, from Stow on the Wold said:

“This is fantastic news. Myself and a few others applied for the Cotswolds to have minority status just after the Cornish were granted it last year.

“Because, let’s be honest, if the Cornish can be awarded with such exclusivity, why should we in the Cotswolds be left out? The Cornish like to boast about their culture and language, but what have they got which we haven’t?

“The Cornish have their antediluvian festivals such as Helston flora, with its tatty stalls and pagan dancing, but here in the Cotswolds we have the annual Toff Show.

“And whilst the Cornish have their peculiar farmer accents, we in the Cotswolds speak the Queen’s English.”

Art dealer Alexander Huxley-Hall, 58, from Bibury said:

“This has got nothing to do with being better than the Cornish. Not really. We just don’t see why we should do without, that’s all.”

Mr Huxley-Hall’s daughter Sarah Jane Huxley-Hall, 28, said:

“I’ve no idea what any of this means. All I know is that I’m pretty damned spectacular as it is. Ask any of the boys in the village darling, they’ll tell you (laughs).”

An official statement is expected to be made tomorrow morning.

cotwolds explosion

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