Treliske Hospital NOT on black alert

The Royal Cornwall Hospital (or Treliske to everyone who knows it) is NOT on black alert.

That’s according to Julia Bird, a spokeswoman for the hospital. She said: “The hospital is currently NOT on black alert, but is still under a lot of pressure. People should think twice before becoming ill and using our services for the foreseeable future.”

Truro resident, Sarah Napkin, 39, is worried about the strain that the number of housing developments being built is having on the hospital.

She said: “Treliske is back to normal now, but for how long? Every time I go out I see another housing development has gone up.

“I took my daughter to see the flowers in our local park last Sunday, but instead of daffodils and tulips we saw about 200 houses that have suddenly gone up like some picture from one of those kid’s pop-up books.”

With another housing development expecting to go up tomorrow, is Sarah right to be concerned?

Property developer, Rick Piles thinks not: “The state of Cornwall’s hospitals and infrastructure has got nothing to do with us property developers. And the suggestion that Cornwall shouldn’t have more homes built than anywhere else in England is nothing but propaganda from the NIMBY’s who already have homes in the county.”

With the general election only days away, the state of Cornwall’s hospitals will no doubt influence the way people will vote in the region.

NHS campaigner, Julia Lippy, 37, from Truro said: “People should think about the black alerts at Treliske and Cornwall’s other hospitals and the state of the NHS in general before they cast their votes on May the 7th.”


Ed Miliband wants to concrete over my garden, says mother of 6

On a recent visit to Finchley-on-Sea, Ed Miliband allegedly offered to concrete over a young mother’s garden.

Mother of 6, Abigail Buckett, 24, said: Mr Miliband was bangin’ on about getting Britain building again and said something about people sitting on land. I kinda lost interest for a bit, until I heard him offer to concrete over my garden.

“It sounded like a euphemism – and probably was. I hear he’s become something of a sex symbol with teenage girls since Zain left from One D. Anyway, he’s not going anywhere near my garden: it’s a mess as it is. And if he does get any ideas, I’m calling the police.


Don’t be put off by my oily complexion, says Miliband

In a live radio interview Ed Miliband urged voters not to be “put off” by his oily complexion.

He said: “What I have to say is this. None of us are perfect. This is what I tell myself every morning when I look at myself in the mirrors of my two bathrooms.

“What I also have to say is this. I urge voters not to be put off by my oily complexion. It’s better to have a Prime Minister with an oily complexion, who can turn back the tide of austerity, than it is to have a Prime Minister like David Cameron with his endless cuts.

“A vote for Labour is a vote for equality, for people of every skin colour and complexion.”

 ed milliband

I’m not on drugs, says Natalie Bennett

Listeners of BBC Radio Finchwick, yesterday afternoon, were shocked when the show’s guest, Natalie Bennett, announced that she is not on drugs.

The news came after a twenty minute tripe fest from the Green Party leader, confirming that issues such as immigration, housing, infrastructure and defence were unimportant, leading to the presenter of the show, Boris Yardstick, asking Bennett if she’s on drugs.

“No, I’m not on drugs,” said Bennett.

Reporters spoke to Mr Yardstick after the show. He said: “It was a serious question. I’m sure I’m not the only one who thought she was on drugs.”


Teenage girl cuts off her own head after someone leaves some boy band

Photos have appeared on social media sites that appear to show fans of some boy band self-harming after a member of the band quit last week.

One girl, Sophie Dryfield, 15, even posted pictures of herself cutting off her own head in a bid for her idol not to leave the band.

Psychologist, Dr Amber Dong said: “The teenage brain cannot cope with events like this. For a teenage girl the news that someone has left a boy band can be just as distressing as an adult hearing that their children have been murdered by a pack of wild dogs.”

A spokesman for the band said: “I strongly urge fans to be strong and not do what Sophie did, or self-harm in anyway at all.”