Police across the country are urging people to ‘think twice’ before experimenting with a new ecstasy tablet, embossed with a Fifty Shades of Grey-style tie logo.
The ecstasy tablet, which is in the form of a suppository and designed to be plugged (inserted anally), has become popular with not just ravers, but cinemagoers and diners alike.
Superintendent Dennis Whiting from Greater Manchester police said: “Police forces probing the matter initially took to checking partygoers’ rectums, but reports suggest that the E suppository, as it is commonly called, is being experimented with in many different environments, such as restaurants and cinemas.
“I must stress that, whilst it is not illegal to stick things up your rectum, it is illegal to take ecstasy, in any shape or form.”
Restaurant owner, Ali Masood said: “I had one lady customer orgasm at the dinner table. At first I thought perhaps it was the lobster thermidor she was eating – the chef would have been so pleased.
“But the gentlemen she was with unashamedly told me that she had this rave suppository up her butt. Some couples have funny ideas about celebrating Valentine’s Day.”
Raver, Jim-E Gurney said: “if your avin a bad one, you can simply fart it out, which aint difficult because E loosens up your asshole. Let’s get messy.”
Dr Wallace Chipper from Greenville Surgery in Manchester said: “people sticking things up their butts when they’re off their heads could lead to some very unpleasant injuries. I strongly urge people not to do it.”