The prime minister has been diagnosed with a rare condition known as gansta balls. A condition which, up until now, has only affected people working in the black music industry.
David Cameron said: “I urge the British people not to see this as a bad thing. It isn’t. If anything, this makes me even more the man for the job. You need balls to run a country. And I’ve got them. The doctors have been quite clear about that.
“This condition might also explain why Nick Clegg’s been too frightened to slap me. Because we all know he wants to. So what I say to him is this: bring it on.”