We should reconsider our relationship with Brussels, says EU commissioner

The traditional Christmas dinner party wouldn’t be the same without the jocular peal of wind, extricated from around the dinner table, like a fatuous jazz band at a comedy club. And that’s down to one vegetable: the Brussels sprout.

In a bid to control greenhouse gasses released into the atmosphere on Christmas Day, the European Union is asking us to condemn the sprout to the compost heap.

Otto Hitler, the European commissioner for flatulence said: “the increase in methane caused by excessive trumping on Christmas Day could inadvertently warm the planet enough to trigger off another ice age. We should reconsider our relationship with Brussels.”

UKIP leader and MEP, Nigel Farage said: “you can’t make it up, you really can’t. Especially when we all know who the real culprit is: and that’s Santa Claus. But I don’t see the European Union asking him to cut down on the mince pies. It beggars belief, it really does.”

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